Kaelen was induced a week before his actual due date, mostly because Jarrah had been an average weight baby but had got his shoulders a bit stuck on the way out. This is usually seen in larger babies (4kgs+) so it was decided that, in an attempt to avoid any trouble this time, we should bring this baby on a little early. Things were beginning to move anyway (due to all those lovely contractions!) so my Dr felt it wouldn't be a problem. It was kind of weird, having an appointment to have a baby. Jarrah had begun the process on his own (with my waters breaking) but i needed help in getting regular contractions going, so we really had no idea when he was going to arrive until it all began ("Well, looks like i'm having a baby today!"). This was obviously quite different, and it just felt odd having it in the diary. As a friend of mine said, "9am - hairdresser, 10am - shopping, 11am - Have baby!" very weird.
Anyway, things went nearly according to plan. The labour and birth themselves were trouble-free, which was a blessing, but everything happened so fast that sadly my parents missed the actual birth. We had made arrangements for them to arrive at what we thought would be a reasonable time, and worked in with their schedule for the morning, but unfortunately nobody told Kaelen about their schedule, much less that he had to wait for it! Despite a text message sent by Keith at 5 to 11 saying "COME NOW OR TOO LATE", they were just that - too late. Nevermind, they did arrive (with brother Jarrah in tow) about 30mins after the birth, and we had a lovely time introducing them to their 2nd grandson. I think my Dad is quite enjoying having grandsons - i have only one sister so he never got to raise boys, and i think he's quite enjoying having at least one little boy who just thinks he's the best!
During those first couple of days, we were watching Kaelen like hawks for every sign that he could hear normally. I could have sworn that he woke to my phone alarm once, and re-settled once i turned it off. We were really hopeful that this time we'd have a hearing child, the chance to raise a "normal" child and know what it's like to have a child who can hear you and develops speech "normally", without having to be taught how to listen. For us at the moment, the only normal we know is hearing impairment, although of course when i spend time with friends who have hearing children of the same age as Jarrah, i can see the difference. Sometimes i am envious of them, that they can call their 2-yr-old from the other end of the house and the child responds, that they can say, "Go and get your croc shoes from your wardrobe" and the child goes and returns with the correct shoes. For us, it was an achievement when, only about 6 weeks ago, Jarrah understood the word shoes, let alone where they were or what type of shoes they were. We're still working on the difference between his big black shoes (sneakers) and his slippers. "Language is a miracle", yes that's true, so where's my miracle? I must have missed something on that one...
Kaelen's hearing was tested on the Thursday after his birth. I hadn't seen how they did the hearing screen for Jarrah, so i was glad in some ways that they brought a mobile unit to my room. I'm a curious soul, so i like to see how things are done :-) The nurses were all aware of Jarrah's condition, so they were taking special interest in Kaelen's results, hoping like us for a Pass.
The test took a lot longer than i expected, although the results are available as soon as the test is done. Unfortunately, Kaelen's results was also a Refer, in both ears. Of course, this doesn't mean there's definitely a problem but, given the family history, it wasn't a good sign. He wasn't particularly well settled for the test either, but this kind of test is more a yes/no test than a detailed how-much test.
I was so, so disappointed. I hardly even know what to write next to capture what i felt after that test. I think the biggest thought in my mind at that point was "Why?" Why do other families get 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 healthy kids and i get 2 deaf ones? Wasn't 1 enough? I did ask for a hearing child, God, why is the answer no? Didn't you hear me? Why taunt a musician with deaf children, as if to mock the very gift I was given? This is simply not fair.
And then what about him? Hard as it is to parent a deaf child, what about the difficulties he will face throughout his life? Why give him this burden, such a tiny package with now a huge obstacle to overcome? What is God's purpose for him in all this? Will Kaelen too have to endure being looked at, poked and prodded, scanned, sedated and operated on? So much for such a small person.
Then i have to remember that it's not the end of the world. The screen is not conclusive, there is time for things to improve if it's just congestion, and even if the worst result comes, we've been here before. We have a network of friends and family to help and support us, we have a team of professionals around us to advise and direct us - we can do this. I just really wish we didn't have to.
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